Dear Eric: Approximately five years ago, my nephew got married. On the day of the wedding, the bride and groom had arranged three special tables. One table was designated for the bride’s immediate family, which was smaller, while the other two were for the groom’s family. To my surprise, all of my siblings and nieces and nephews were seated at the groom’s family tables, while I was seated with our cousins at a different table. One of our cousins was seated in my place at the sibling table.
Throughout the wedding, I found myself sitting with my cousins, while one of my cousins sat with my daughter, sister, and my sister’s children. I was deeply hurt by this situation, and I never received an explanation from the bride and groom for this hurtful decision.
Since then, I have never brought up this issue with them. Should I address it with them now? The memory still pains me, and I would like to finally understand why they treated me and my husband this way. — Feeling Estranged by the Seating Arrangement
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Dear Seating: Weddings can sometimes create awkward or uncomfortable situations, even amidst joyous celebrations. The placement of guests at tables can evoke memories of high school cafeteria dynamics. While it is understandable that you felt hurt by the seating arrangement, it’s important to remember that you were still with family. There may have been practical reasons for the seating arrangement, such as limited space at the tables or a mix-up with name cards. You could consider discussing this with your nephew for clarification, but it may be best to let go of the resentment for everyone’s peace of mind.
It has been five years, and based on your letter, it seems that this incident is not indicative of larger conflicts between your families.
Dear Eric: I seek your advice on proper etiquette during bridal/baby shower games, as I have a talent for winning most of them.
While some of these games involve chance, many require skill and knowledge in which I excel. I could easily win every game, but after claiming the first victory, I often step back and allow others to win the subsequent rounds. Sometimes, I opt out of playing altogether to prevent overshadowing the fun for others.
My family members are divided on this issue. Some believe I should showcase my abilities and set a high standard, while others think I should let others enjoy the games. What is your opinion? — Skilled Game Player
Dear Skilled Game Player: While it can be tempting to dominate the games with your skills, it’s important to ensure that everyone has a fair chance to participate and enjoy the event. Your approach of stepping back after an initial win or assisting the hostess is commendable. Acknowledging your capabilities and allowing others to shine can create a more inclusive and enjoyable atmosphere for everyone. Remember, true victory lies in the joy of sharing the experience with others.
If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.
