Dear Eric: My brother is always struggling financially. Because I am currently between jobs, instead of seeking help from me, as he has done in the past, he recently turned to our wealthy sister. Unfortunately, we never receive the money back when he asks. It seems that I am the easiest option for him.
Since my sister was unable to provide the $6,000 he requested to pay off his credit cards, I offered to help, knowing that I may never recover the money. I am okay with that.
My brother believes that my sister gave him the money (which I don’t mind at all). However, my sister ensures that she contacts my brother every month to ensure he pays $100. We use a cash app to disguise that the money goes directly to me. At this rate, it will take five more years to repay the debt. I cannot handle the monthly routine and the drama surrounding it.
I do not want to be in the position of being my brother’s lender. It is causing me stress and it bothers me, even though I understand that he is trying to support his family and make ends meet. Eventually, I end up returning this money to him anyways. It is absurd. I want to end this arrangement. I want to inform my brother that it was me who provided the money and that I do not expect it back. What should I do? — Wants to Cash Out
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Dear Cash Out: Your sister’s involvement is irrelevant in this situation. She has created a convoluted scheme in an attempt to teach your brother a lesson. However, she cannot collect a debt that is not owed to her. It is best to directly inform your brother that the debt has been forgiven. Subsequently, you should inform your sister of your actions.
It is easy to impose our own financial values on how others manage their money. Poor financial decisions should not be equated with moral failings. The way you and your brother handle money is not your sister’s concern.
Dear Eric: Over the past year, my husband and I received invitations to three weddings and a graduation from the children of our close relatives. Unfortunately, we were unable to attend these events as they were out of state. We rarely hear from these relatives, yet we understand that they send these invitations with the expectation of receiving a gift. This seems to be a common practice.
Despite having limited extra funds in our budget, we graciously sent a $100 card to each of them. To date, we have not received a thank-you note or any acknowledgment from any of them.
All these relatives are under 30 years old. We are disheartened by the lack of gratitude exhibited by the younger generation when a gift is given for their special occasions.
This lack of appreciation has led us to reconsider sending money or gifts for these occasions. How can we address our feelings about this? — Disenchanted Gift Giver
Dear Giver: The issue of thank-you notes and expressions of gratitude is a common concern that I often encounter in letters. It is particularly puzzling considering the availability of stores that sell greeting cards and gifts. Are people simply purchasing thank-you notes but never sending them?
You have two options: communicate with your close relatives about their children’s lack of acknowledgment or directly address the children to convey your expectations. It is perfectly acceptable to express to someone, “I expect an acknowledgment when I send a gift. What are your expectations?”
Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.
