Dear Eric: Over the past decade, my husband and I have enjoyed dining out with friends, splitting the check evenly. Following our decision to embrace sobriety and forgo pricey drinks, we still divide the bill equally, which doesn’t seem fair. We value our friendship but are unsure how to broach this topic. We don’t want to appear cheap, yet we desire fairness. Is it appropriate to suggest paying for our own meals and drinks in the future? — Sober Diner
Dear Diner: After a long period of sharing expenses, splitting the bill goes beyond money and becomes a gesture of goodwill. Your sudden change may catch your friends off guard and stir up potential inequalities. If this affects your sobriety or friendship, it’s important to communicate. Rather than framing it as a matter of fairness, explain your decision and preference not to pay for alcohol. This should be easy for them to understand.
Dear Eric: I recently expressed bias against severely overweight individuals to my friends. I find the normalization of obesity distasteful and believe it is neither healthy nor commendable. Despite being moderately overweight myself, I despise it and have faced challenges in my career due to my weight. Am I in the wrong? — Sizing Up Others
Dear Sizing: Yes, but… YES. Your fixation on others’ weight stems from societal standards and industry pressures that promote thinness as superior. Work on self-acceptance to alleviate these feelings and reduce judgment towards others. It’s a challenging process, but essential for personal well-being.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.
