Dear Eric: Please assist me in resolving a disagreement with my wife. One day, our friend “Ed” confided in us about something very sensitive and embarrassing, seeking our advice while requesting us to keep it confidential.
One week later, my wife disclosed Ed’s situation to my best friend (BFF) when they visited. Later, I asked her why she broke her promise of confidentiality. She justified it by saying that she shares everything with her BFFs and they all keep each other’s secrets.
While BFF and Ed are not acquainted, all six BFFs and Ed know about each other, raising the possibility of their paths crossing in the future.
When I suggested asking Ed for permission to share his situation with her BFFs, my wife got upset and believed it would unnecessarily upset Ed. I thanked her for supporting my argument. What is your opinion? — Secret Keeper
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Dear Keeper: When you promise not to disclose confidential information, there are no exceptions. While many of us may stretch the rules with spouses or significant others, it’s unlikely Ed meant “don’t tell anyone except your five best friends whom I don’t know but have been assured are good secret-keepers.”
There is a clear distinction between a story meant for public consumption and a personal revelation shared in trust.
Your wife turned Ed’s situation into gossip. Even if no harm comes from the BFFs knowing, she betrayed the trust he placed in her.
Dear Eric: I am an older woman with health issues and a member of a homeowner’s association where I pay monthly dues that include “lawn care” services. However, the lawn care employees refuse to work on my lawn after I complained about them destroying my flowers last year.
My neighbors are unhappy about my lawn’s condition, and despite paying for the service, I am unable to get the lawn care company to assist me. I contacted the HOA president and property manager, but the issue remains unresolved.
Given my fixed income, I cannot afford another lawn care company. What steps can I take? — Overgrown Obstacle
Dear Overgrown: Start by discussing your situation with your neighbors and seeking their support. Explain your predicament and ask them to advocate on your behalf with the HOA.
It’s best to abandon efforts with the current lawn care company as the owner’s stance is unreasonable. Request a meeting with the entire board, maintaining a respectful tone while expressing your concerns. Seek their assistance in resolving the issue and ask for a plan of action and timeline.
Send any inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.
