Reviewing hundreds of dating profiles every week on various dating apps, as a dating coach, I notice certain phrases that tend to recur.
One particular phrase that bothers me is when people mention not wanting to “waste their time.”
Some individuals find it burdensome to spend an hour or two meeting someone in person. They prefer to grill their potential match with a series of “important” questions before committing to a date, to avoid what they perceive as time wasted. However, this approach often leads to unrealistic expectations and a false sense of security.
Jumping into heavy topics right away, such as religion, politics, finances, family plans, or past relationships, doesn’t necessarily help you understand the person better. It’s more about eliminating those who don’t align with your desired answers, narrowing down your options prematurely.
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Remember the etiquette of steering clear of certain topics during a polite conversation? Those guidelines apply to a first date (and pre-date discussions) as well. The purpose of the first date is to gauge your compatibility – if there’s a natural flow in the conversation, common interests, and comfort in each other’s presence. Did you share laughter? Feel positive about yourself? Discussions on challenging topics can come after establishing whether you enjoy each other’s company, a fundamental requirement for any relationship.
In my opinion, investing an hour to assess compatibility is always a worthwhile use of time. It might not always lead to a successful match. Sometimes, within the first few minutes of conversation, you may realize it’s not a good fit. Nevertheless, it’s a step closer to finding a truly compatible partner. (If scheduling conflicts arise due to childcare or other commitments, consider setting up a video call.)
Attitude is also crucial. Approaching a date with a mindset of it being a “waste of time” can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Approach each new interaction with openness and optimism. You owe it to your potential match, but more importantly, to yourself. In the worst-case scenario, it’s valuable practice for future dates.
We all lead busy lives, with packed schedules and endless tasks to manage. However, a date may require setting aside a few things to see if there’s a genuine connection with someone new. It’s simply an hour – with a positive outlook, it doesn’t seem like a significant commitment. Plus, who knows? You might discover a strong connection or have an interesting story to share with friends.
Lastly, remember that dating is a skill that improves with practice. Each date, regardless of its outcome, presents an opportunity to learn more about yourself, refine your preferences, and enhance your social skills. Even if a date doesn’t lead to a long-term relationship or a second date, it contributes to your growth in the dating world. Embrace each encounter.
Erika Ettin, the founder of A Little Nudge, assists individuals in navigating the world of online dating. To connect with Erika, subscribe to her newsletter at eepurl.com/dpHcH for updates and advice.
