Dear Eric: My husband and I have been dining out with friends for 10 years, always splitting the check evenly.
However, since embracing sobriety, we no longer order expensive drinks, which significantly increases the bill. Despite this change, we still split the check evenly, which doesn’t seem fair.
We enjoy our time together but are unsure how to address this issue. We want to be fair but also not come across as cheap. Would it be rude to suggest that we each pay for our own meals and drinks from now on? — Sober Diner
Dear Diner: After a decade of sharing bills, the gesture of splitting the check becomes a symbol of goodwill rather than just about money.
If this change is impacting your sobriety or friendship, it’s important to have a conversation. Avoid framing it in terms of “fairness,” as it can lead to nitpicking. Simply explain that you enjoy dining with them but prefer not to pay for alcohol. This should be easy for them to understand.
Dear Eric: I recently shared my bias against severely overweight people with friends, expressing disgust at the normalization of obesity.
Despite being moderately overweight myself, I feel uncomfortable with overweight actors in media. Am I in the wrong? — Sizing Up Others
Dear Sizing: Yes, your focus on others’ bodies reflects societal pressures and industry standards that teach us to equate weight with success and likeability.
It’s important to work on self-acceptance to overcome these biases and be happier. By prioritizing self-love, you’ll find it easier to accept others regardless of their weight. This is challenging but necessary work.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.
